It Sucks to be Me (sometimes)
I am feeling the need to complain. In the last 3 weeks I have been plagued with diarrhea that knocked me down for a couple of days, a few days of feeling good then a fever and headache, then a gnarly chest cold. So far, I have not had to go to the hospital to recover, which is good news. It seems that about half of the ailments that come my way require a trip to the big house to help with fluids and antibiotics or whatever... I am complaining because on top of my every day fatigue and persistent neuropathy and a fried memory and cognitive abilities, I have a weakend immunity that is an almost constant drag.
It seems to be the theme of my life, getting used to the post cancer me. My memory is so bad that I cant remember how many silly things that I have forgot in the last week. How many appointments I have shown up for a week early or a week late. I am trying to strike a balance between frustration and just being OK with what I have become. The frustration leads to action towards improving myself. At the same time I don't want to get into a cycle of self loathing. It is a balance.
I am the luckiest guy I know. I have been given a second chance to live my life. To be with my family. To explore the world and go on new adventures. I am really happy to be here. Part of the adventure is figuring out who I am all over again.

Endings, transitions and beginings

All right, here it goes, my first post on a new blog. I stopped posting to my old blog several months ago . The name and the content of puddin' rider was feeling more like the old me and less like the new me. Although this is a new blog for the new me, I should say a few words about the old. I stared puddin' rider just before I was diagnosed with Cancer. I was 4o, the strongest I had ever been and at the same time I was suffering. As things developed the blog became less about a cyclist and father and more about a miserable trip into suffering, pain and miracles. So as I move forward with the transition to the man that I am now I give a nod to the experiences and writing that got me here.

With this new blog, I hope to explore my new life as a man dealing with the challenges and joys of being who I am now: A father, cancer survivor and an adventure hound among other things.

It has taken me a while to re-label myself. As I got sick with Multiple Myeloma, I lost all of the identities that I had, I was no longer a cyclist, I was no longer a provider for my family and I was more of a liability to my family than any sort of support. I no longer work at a traditional job. I am often too sick to be relied upon for any sort of regular responsibility. My physical and mental abilities are greatly diminished in many ways. This is not something I really care to dwell on other than to discover how I can integrate and accept them into my new life. Surely that will be a big focus of this blog, hopefully there will be more: witty humor, various ramblings, occasional insights and tales of my adventures as well those who inspire me.
So, stay tuned.
Thanks for reading